it’s national rainbow baby day, august 22nd. i have a rainbow baby and here is her story.

national rainbow baby day. this day of remembrance is always so hard for me, even after all these years. the empty place of loss in my heart is still present. but, it’s good to remember.

there are all sorts of feelings after a pregnancy loss and then getting pregnant. all the emotions: joy mixed with sadness. while processing my baby loss, i was pregnant a month later. there was not much time to grieve before the happiness overtook me. but i will never forget the baby we lost. the birth of my baby girl made the loss so much sweeter to bear.

she’s my rainbow baby and her story was so different than i expected.

fire station birth is my second child’s birth story. it’s my own birth experience and i was a labor and delivery nurse. i was a professional birth photographer with no birth photos but i do have a newspaper clipping!  our daughter was not born in the hospital. she was born one block from home at the fire station…

as a labor and delivery nurse, i was guilty of laughing at birth clients that did not make it to the hospital. well…  sowing and reaping. i laughed about this and yes, it happened to me!

while taking my doula training, i was asked to write on the topic of precipitous birth, a fancy word for fast delivery ( under 3 hours). i rewrote my daughter’s birth story for this class assignment, writing her birth story as a gift for her. i had so much fun thinking back on that day thirty-two years ago.  my kids love hearing their birth stories and seeing photos of when they were so tiny. i have three kids and two birth stories are written down. my first baby’s birth story is still in my head. i have some work to do.

here is the birth story of my middle child, our rainbow baby. she has grown up into an amazing and talented woman. she takes after me… ~laura

falling to my knees with the intensity of the first contraction, my water broke. i stepped outside the house and yelled for my husband, swifty, to come inside.  i told him that it was time to go to the hospital for the baby’s birth and to hurry up because i needed drugs for the pain!  he insisted on taking a shower. i told him to be swift in the shower – there wasn’t much time.

on this special winter day, january 28, 1984, in late afternoon, the temperature was 60 degrees. january 28th was the day before my due date. we were expecting our second healthy child and didn’t know if we were having a boy or a girl. the ultrasound technician said she didn’t see what she was looking for. i guess that was her way of telling me it was not a boy, but a baby girl! i did not get this hint! haha!

as soon as my water broke and the contractions started, i called my mom – telling her to come and care for our two year old son. she and my dad left immediately but it took 20 long minutes of focused concentrated driving time for them and stronger, more intense, closer together contractions for me.

i did not talk to them when they arrived because i was frantically running around my bedroom trying to find dry clothes to change into. i ended up wearing mismatched clothes: my favorite sweatshirt and some very ugly mustard colored sweatpants and no shoes! my mom was mortified at my clothing choices!

breathing through the contractions had started to become hard to talk through and i needed to get to the hospital soon. my parents took our son, josh, and left. we were right behind them.

at the end of our driveway, about 50 feet, i knew the baby was coming. my parents had turned left to head home and we turned right which was the wrong way to the hospital. i told my husband, swifty, to make the decisions from this point on.  i could no longer talk because i was so focused on breathing and listening to my body – getting through each intense contraction was a challenge!

the husband made the decision to go to the fire station/rescue station one block from our home. it would have an ambulance and medical supplies if there was any emergency. wasn’t this an emergency???? i agreed.

he walked calmly into the rescue station and told them his wife was having a baby and walked back out. it felt like he was gone forever!

our rainbow baby is born

upon returning to the car, he opened my side door and as i put my leg out, the baby was coming.  grunting and groaning loudly, i mean loudly, swifty tells me to be quiet. at that point, being quiet is not an option – there is no stopping the low guttural sounds coming from my mouth as the baby is being born. i don’t even know, nor care, that my pants are down!

two nervous firemen were trying to get their gloves on. laying my seat back, my husband swifty catches our daughter and we place her under my sweatshirt, next to my skin and heart, to welcome her and keep her warm.

i stand up from the car, turn and sit on the stretcher that is ready for me. we take our first ambulance ride, together, to the hospital.

now, I forgot to mention that i worked at this same hospital as a labor and delivery nurse. no one can believe i had my baby in the car. i get onto the bed and place my feet in the stirrups to be examined by a masked and gloved doctor that i do not recognize. he wants to look at my private parts and i say with my knees squeezed together, “do I know you?”. realizing we had never met, he took off his mask and gloves and came around to my side of the bed and introduced himself. now i was willing to have an exam, deliver the placenta, and get a couple of stitches! calling my mom while the doctor is stitching me up, she will not believe that the baby is already here until she hears her cry.

returning home after a two-hour stay in the hospital, we head straight for the fire station. my husband, swifty, carries our daughter inside and hears the firemen talking about the amazement of birth. each fireman takes a turn holding our sweet baby girl.  that day, she was made an honorary fireman at the weaverville fire station. i realized when writing this birth story that both my husband and i had our support teams. my team was my nurse friends surrounding me and his team was his fireman friends supporting him. wow.

do you have a rainbow baby? i would love to hear your story. leave a comment and a photo. big hugs.

it helped me to journal my story. here is a blog about recalling your birth story. it was so healing for me to work through this process of using my senses to recall as many details as i could.

for resources when losing a baby during pregnancy, there are two support groups for those experiencing a baby passing away: pregnancy after loss support and share pregnancy & infant loss support.

more about grammie doula

i am a full-time postpartum doula in sw virginia and my clients call me grammie doula. i have 25 years as a labor and delivery nurse and then 10 years as a a birth photographer.

i am a mom to 3 grown children, 6 grandchildren and 1 baby in heaven. i live in a cabin in the woods with my gray-bearded husband and two pets that prefer his company over mine!